Saturday, November 23, 2013

Hi, my name is Aaron, or as some of you know me, PB.  Jenn asked me to post something here so here I am although I'm not sure exactly what to put down.  I suppose I could start by telling you a little about myself.  I'm not what you would call a typical guy.  I don't get into sports, hunting, cars, or looking at boobs...well, with one obvious (future) exception. =)   I don't have any real hobbies, I'm not handy or a mechanic and I don't like watching people beat the crap out of each other.  Pretty much the only thing I've ever been good at is driving so not much surprise that I became a truck driver and in my free time I ride a motorcycle.  Maybe the open road has always been in my veins, or maybe there's something wrong with me, I don't know, but I am what I am and I make no appologies.  I'm stubborn and resistant to change.  I'm deeply flawed and scarred.  In fact, I honestly wonder sometimes what Jenn sees in me and how she puts up with me.  I am truly blessed to be loved by you, Jenn. 
    Now, I know you wanted me to put down a few words about how we met and our relationship.  Of course, my memory being akin to swiss cheese I may be short on the details, but I will try.   Obviously, being a thousand miles away, we met online, and as many do these days on a dating site.  I wasn't really looking for a relationship, having just gotten through a divorce, but I can always use a new friend.  Truth is, at the time, I was just bored and reading people's profiles can be  Anyway, on this particular site, Jenn was the only one who responded and we quickly became friends.  Eventually, that friendship developed into a relationship....which I promptly screwed up, we broke up and stopped talking.  None of this was new to me, most people I meet seem to end up just not talking to me anymore, but this time it was different.  This time she came back.  I don't remember who started it, but we started talking again.  We started as just friends and before long we were back to being in a relationship.   Again, I screwed it up...seriously honey, how do you put up with me?....anyway, we stopped talking, again.  I truly thought this time I'd never hear from her again so I gave up....then...she texted me, and I responded....hopefully third time really is the charm.  lol. All I can say is that I've never had a relationship like this before and I have never been so drawn to someone before.  There must be something to this thing we have cause it seems like we've done all we can to blow it up but we keep coming back for more.  I pray that God will help us to get it right this time.  This time I'm leaving it in His hands cause I know I can't do it alone.  This time I won't make the mistake of putting you or our relationship higher than my relationship with God....cause the truth is that our break ups always happened when one or both of us put our relationship and each other over God.  He has to be first or it will never work.  I know we still have our individual issues to work out and I believe that if we trust the Lord, He will help us get through them, but that is still the biggest issue we have as a couple.  Men make plans and God makes fools of men.  I truly do look forward to calling you my wife Jenn, but my first priority has to be God's will.  I have to surrender my future, my plans, and my will to His....and so do you babe.  Only then will we truly be able to have a long and successful relationship.  Don't put me on a pedestal hun, don't put your faith in me, I am only a flawed human being and I WILL let you down....I won't try to, and I won't want to, but I will because I am human.  Make God your priority and put your faith in Him, and when I all human beings do, it won't destroy your faith cause your faith will be secure in the grace and love of God who is more than able to heal all wounds and restore all relationships.  Our marriage WILL stand the test of time as long as Jesus is always our first love. 
   Sorry to get all preachy on ya (Mama Jenn says...he does this a lot *wink*), but I felt that message on my heart so strongly just now I had to put it down.  I do love you Jenn, and I do want to marry you, and I want to spend my life with you, and that's why I wrote this, not to excuse any future failure on my part, not as a cop out, but so that hopefully when the time comes we will both be on the same page, putting our trust and hope, not in our own strength, but in the Lord who will keep us together, who will make us one flesh and one heart.  

All my love,  Aaron.