Thursday, July 26, 2012

A “New Season” and “Potentially Something Wonderful” Update

Okay, I know I've been slacking when it comes to this blog. That is my fault, and to those who enjoy reading all the Udder Chaos I type, I am really sorry.

So, I'm going to try and update all you on the progress of…everything in one blog post. Hope ya got your reading glasses on, this one's a whopper!

In case you didn't manage to read the last blog post…you'd better read it. No, seriously, I'm not typing that all up again. Take a moment now and read it, then come back to this post. *taps fingers patiently*….Okay, did you read it? Good. A few things have happened since then. Well, to those who are married, or even have more interesting social lives than I do, (heifers! I mean…you lucky people, you!) it may not seem so big. But to little ol' me, it was big.

We (the Gentleman and I) had our first heart-to-heart…in a relationship-type setting. Okay, maybe the term heart-to-heart isn't so appropriate. It was more like a "letting out skeletons in our closet" for both of us. I don't think we let out all the skeletons, but we did let out some. I informed him as gently (*snicker* just kidding, I do nothing gently!) as I could that I don't call my life "udder chaos" for nothing. Most normal people (but we've established I am FAR from normal by now, haven't we?!) would be freaking out about such revelations. But to me, it was…dare I say…refreshing. Call me crazy, but it's sort of nice to know that I'm entering a relationship where the other person is not trying to put up a false pretense of who they are in the beginning. Because I have been in one too many relationships that start out that way, and it hurts when you find out the real truth behind a person, after giving your heart to the person you thought they were. It's nice to know that just because we've entered a relationship, that I don't have to pretend to be "Little Miss Sunshine" all the time and he doesn't have to be "Mr. Perfect" all the time. We both can let our hair down (don't you DARE mention that last post! Got it?!) and just be ourselves.

And he gave what we have a name. He didn't say it "outright" but he hardly ever says anything that way. He just sort of dances around it for a bit, throws it around loosely, and expects me to take the hint. If I'm wrong on this, I'm sure he is gentleman enough to correct me. But, he gave me a hint; I'm taking it and running!!! ;)

He (loosely) said we have a relationship. We threw some skeletons at each other, and now we have a relationship! Okay, wait…that doesn't sound nearly as romantic as it did in my head. I mean…he said we are in a relationship! I can't stop smiling over it. He didn't run for the hills after all! The hair issue was no big deal! The conversation(which I won't go into details here about…but found out later by everyone and their mama that what I thought was a good conversation starters should never be mentioned on a first date) we had in the car didn't make him squirm and question my sanity! The first date was actually a success! Even better- he says there will be a second date! He never said when yet (*ahem*...hope you're reading this, Gentleman!*hint*hint*), but the fact that he considers me good enough for a second date makes me want to jump for joy!

As if I didn't have enough reasons to be happy, you'll never guess what else I did the night of the date! *blushes* no, not THAT! I checked my weight! Don't ask me why I did; after all, I'm sure that's not exactly the greatest way to get ready for a date. But I did. And guess what?! After over a month of biking, eating as well as I could and praying…I had no results. So, I stopped biking, walked a little bit, started doing more cleaning around the house, and eating a little bit less(but still as good as I could manage) and guess what? I lost five pounds! *jaw drops* How is THAT for irony?

Before the Gentleman came into the picture, I honestly stopped the whole "trying hard to do the 'E' word" thing. My youngest daughter's bike is not built for long trips on uneven ground. As a result, it became more of a pain than a pleasure to do the biking. I would have to stay behind everyone else, so she wouldn't feel bad. I didn't pedal as much as I know I could have. It was nice, but at the same time, it was frustrating. I wanted to be able to really go, and I felt like I was hardly moving. I'm not giving excuses; I'm just telling you why I stopped. I may get her another bike with more durable tires, and we may try it again soon. One last thing got in the way of our ability to continue biking. It's called "Summer". I thought we'd be okay, but we were dying in the heat! Some days we would come home dripping in sweat, and not because of a good workout. Simply put, it's HOT! I couldn't let my kids continue to workout in that heat. I couldn't continue to workout in that heat. So, we're stopping the biking for exercise until it cools off a bit more (early Fall?).

However, now that the Gentleman is in the picture, and rumor has it he enjoys one form of the "E" word…I started to pick it up the "E" word again. Just in another way. The kids and I have started walking places instead of taking our bikes on days that the weather is bearable. I did the yoga DVD I had here once so far this week. I'm hoping the kids and I can re-start the habit of walking after dinner, and some "E" DVD on the days when the weather makes it not possible. I know the Gentleman isn't all about looks and body image (because if he was, he sure as heck wouldn't of picked me to date!). I guess that old saying, "a relationship can make a person want to be better" is going into effect with me. I didn't want to go into any form of a relationship with the body I have now; but I did, and now I feel more compelled to make sure I don't stay this way.

Maybe this relationship (I love saying that!) came at the right time, after all. J

And when it comes to food, I have become sick of eating. No, I'm not unhealthy or anything. Every summer, I just hate eating. The less I eat during the summer, the better. I never manage to starve myself or become sick as a result of it. I just don't want to eat as much. Anyone else get like this during the summer, too? Maybe that's just me. *shrugs*

Despite it being summer, something else happened that I didn't expect- we started "formal" homeschooling again. We tried to start it a few months back, but then summer came. I figured, why not kick back and enjoy the summer? So, I stopped. We all were happy at first. It was like our first days of deschooling all over again. We got to wake up whenever, we went to bed whenever. They read (if they wanted to), watched some educational movies, played outside, went to the library and did a few other educational and fun activities.

But then…the kids started to get cranky. They started fighting more. They became whiny, complaining about just about everything they could think of. Suddenly, the "fun" activities of going to the library and any other free activities I got word of were dreaded and met with much bitterness. They missed their school, their schedule. Do I blame them for that? No. Because in all honesty, I missed it, too. We were all miserable. So, I talked it over with them, and we started homeschooling again. Yes, right in the middle of summer.

And you know what? Although I felt bad for saying, "no, sorry, we can't…we homeschool during that time." to others, I'm feel so much better for it. The routine was comforting, soothing. We missed homeschooling. It has become such a part of our lives that no matter how much we try to add more to it or let loose with it, we eventually go back to what we know works. Call it stuck in our ways, or whatever you like, but I just know that this is what works for us. This is what our version of normal life looks like. We're not always tied down to a schedule, books, and workbooks. We have off and on times in our homeschool. But at the same time, we know when those will be. Maybe we are sticklers for schedules, after all. Just not one in the traditional sense.

I'm also still attending online college. I'm in my second semester now. Although I feel like I could always do better, I know I'm trying. I'm passing enough so far to continue taking classes, and that's all I'm worried about. I wish I could earn straight A's, but I don't have the time commitment to do grade A work, all the time. But, I'm still hanging in there!

One thing I would like to work on this summer, for my own personal sake, is to read my Bible more. Not to sound all glorified and saintly (I'm far from that!), but I do try to get it in every day. I don't always succeed at that. But, I would like to challenge myself to read the Bible in a year or less. I know on the mornings I do read it, I feel more at peace about everything. I actually have a better day, because of spending the first few moments awake with my heavenly Father. I need to work on doing this more. For my sanity's sake.

I did have to let go of one thing, though. I gave up my frugal ways. At first, it didn't matter, because I had a big enough stockpile that I didn't have to shop all the time. Now my stockpile is almost bare, and I'm cringing each time I go to the store. I know sometime next week, I will have to pick this back up. I have to get back in the game. Not sure how I'm going to find time to do it, but I know I do miss it a bit and my cupboards look sickly without me doing it. I have to somehow manage my time better to make sure this happens.

I'm in a busy and evolving season. I guess God does this as a way to keep me on my toes. Either that, or give me more reasons to appreciate coffee…

Until next time,


Saturday, July 21, 2012

Potentially Something Wonderful

Okay, so just when I thought, Hey, I'm getting the hang of all this udder chaos in my life. I got this! God decides to add another chapter into my life.

After a six year halt to anything closely resembling it, I dare to say…I finally had a date.

Wait…did you hear that? I had a date!!!

Yes, and that made this very mature mama of three suddenly feel like a giddy young girl being asked to the spring ball. I won't name names yet, because after all, it was the first date. I'm not entirely sure what the next step is (another date? Him running for the hills, never to speak to me again? Something better? Something worse?) . And because I was too timid to ask, I really don't know for sure how he felt about it. Plus, there was an incident with my hair. Regardless of where we stand, I hope we can both laugh about it someday.

Okay, for those of you that don't know…I always have issues with my hair. I love my hair, don't get me wrong, but…it has a mind of its own. I have come to laugh it off, make jokes about it, and overall accept it for what it is. It's like my children- I try hard to discipline it, keep it in its place, but at the end of the day, I love it too much to do anything extreme to make sure the rules are obeyed. Now, what does this have to do with my date? Well…there was a snuggle incident. I had been silently praying for this guy to touch me in some way the entire night. No, not like that. I meant just hold my hand, or attempt to do the stretch him arms over his head and wrap his arm around my shoulders trick. But, either he was too much of a gentleman, too shy, or just as lost in the sauce about the whole ordeal as I was, because he didn't try any of that. I thought, maybe I was staring too hard at the movie screen, and he thought I was more interested in the movie than him (not true-I was trying not to make him uncomfortable by constantly admiring him. I won't lie- he's hot stuff! ). Maybe I bored him to tears with my talk about processed foods while we were talking over ice-cream?

Don't look at me that way…I'm a fat girl, who was trying very hard not to talk about my kids all night. Or homeschooling/college courses that I'm trying hard not to fail. Or how long I had been waiting for him to ask me out. Or how great he looked and smelled, without sounding like a weirdo with sensory issues. What else did you think I was going to talk about?!

An-y-ways, I finally got tired of waiting and put my head on his shoulder. Nothing too scandalous, right? I mean, if he freaked out over it, I could just say, I was falling asleep and wasn't aware of where my head was…uhh...headed. Well, he didn't freak out. He tried to lay his head on top of mine. And here was where he was met with a forest of hair.

I'm almost certain he missed 10 minutes of the movie trying to get out of it. It was that bad. I apologized once he found his way out. He said it was okay. I was silently cursing my hair for its big-ness. Major brownie points lost. No mention of second date, no kiss goodnight. I think I saw him attempting to run from my house. In that "oh my gosh, she can probably smell fear, so let me run like I'm trying to dodge raindrops and not run for dear life" sort of way.

I'm almost certain this is not how people make good first impressions on a date. *facepalm*

But, if he can get over that issue…I could definitely see more dates in our future. However, as I said before, I'm not sure of how he feels since he gave all indications towards the end that he was no longer interested. Or maybe I'm reading too hard into all this. I really, really hope I didn't scare him off. Until I know for sure he's not embarrassed to be associated with me, I'm going to keep him anonymous on my blog. If he would just tell me (I know I know…most men aren't so open with their feelings. But a girl can dream, right?) a bit more of what he was feeling, even if it was, "You know, I think we're just better off as friends…" then I wouldn't be freaking out so much about this.

Again with the reading too hard into this. *sigh*

Can you tell I'm not very patient when it comes to matters of the heart? Can you tell I really like this guy? I can't help it…I've waited a long time for him to ask me. He has been giving me mixed signals for several months now. One minute I feel like I'm one step closer to a potential something wonderful with him; the next, I feel like I've messed it all up and he'll never speak or associate with me again.

Either he's just as interested (dare I hope?), or he enjoys watching the udder chaos called my life and just sticks around for funsies.

Does Mama Jenn finally have a…a…boyfriend??? *GULP*

I guess you're just going to have to keep checking back to find out!

Until next time…