*Disclaimer: I wrote this over a month ago. I am SO sorry that I totally forgot to publish it!*
Today, I want to talk about answered prayers. As you know, God and I have a....very interesting relationship when it comes to our form of communication(prayer and answers to prayer). And how it has to do with all the events of the past 24 hours.
Sometimes, I'll pray for something specific and in His time, I get it, exactly how I asked. These sort of prayers are pretty cool to see, because I feel like God is really interested in someone as totally boring as me. That God...dare I say? Really cares about lil' ol' me. I know people say parent's don't pick favorites and all that jazz, but when this happens, it feels like God is saying., "You're my favorite!".
Sometimes, I'll pray for something specific and...hear nothing back. These are often the most frustrating, because I feel like I'm praying God's will for my life, but then even the crickets are quiet and I realize...whoops, nope, that's just me treating God like some genie in the sky instead of the Maker of my soul. Then I have to back track, which usually means that God needs to work on something in me.
Sometimes, I'll pray(crazy as it sounds) over a situation that's on my heart and that God just does what He wants in it. Usually, this happens after Sometime #2 happens and I haven't really come to the point that it's me, but I'm just tired of dealing with it on my own strength. These are my "wild card" prayers because I think I know what God is going to do, and sometimes He does it just as I think He will, but most times He doesn't and it knocks my socks off in amazement. In some instances, He'll answer more than one prayer at a time and then I'm just totally flabbergasted because, well, that's pretty awesome and woah, he's blessing me in more than one way!
Well, these past few months, I've had my stepchildren on my heart. Call it the Holy Spirit, Motherly intuition or whatever you want, but they have been on my heart. For those who know me well, this was sort of a shock in itself. My stepchildren are NOT fond of me, and, although I love them, I didn't really....like them. So, they weren't usually on my mind or heart because they weren't my children. Until the past few months.
Because of the awkward position I was in(stepmother, not exactly fond of their mother), I kept my distance and did what I could....I prayed.
I prayed for their safety, because something in my heart said something's not right.
I prayed for their family to come to know God, because, well, despite our feelings towards one another, I really don't want the children to be separated from God. I wanted all of them to know and love God.
I also prayed, and I don't fully know why, that if their mother was for some reason not being a good mother to them, according to God's standard and not my own(because I am human and flawed just like everyone else) that we would get full custody of them. But if that was not God's will that God will bridge a better relationship between all of us so
As you all know, I have also been praying for more children. I thought God would open the door for us to have some of our own. And maybe He will. But as it stands, He hasn't. With this particular prayer, first I prayed for Him to miraculously open my womb. After a year of that not happening, I started to pray that God would provide the money for the surgery I need to reverse my unfertility. After a year of that not happening, I finally started praying my "wild card" prayer, just saying, "Look, God, you know I want more kids. I don't care HOW you do it- adoption, in-vitro, miraculously opening my womb, blessing us with the money to do the surgery, or if you just drop some kids on our doorstep. I really don't care anymore. I feel like kids are missing from our family and I want Your will to be done in it. So, do it however you think is best."
After months of no response, I assumed things were fine. The stepchildren were being kept safe, I was worried for nothing. And God was working on something in me to prepare my heart for more children. That He was showing me that He and I needed to have more heart-to-hearts on some issues because, He wasn't done with me yet. I was okay with this.
But then....
My husband got a call. First, a call from Utah, which was weird, because we know no one in Utah.
A few minutes later, a call from the children's grandmother. She wasn't sure what was all going on, but the kids may need to stay with us soon. Their mother had done some things and she may or may not get arrested for them. She'd call once she knew more.
My husband started to shake his head. "It was only a matter of time," he said.
I said, "let's not jump the gun, we don't know anything yet. Let's wait and see."
A few hours later....another call from their grandmother. We need to make arrangements to get them ASAP. Their mother was being arrested, CYS was involved, and her and her husband couldn't handle all three of the grandchildren. Could we take hubby's two?
God has a funny way of answering multiple prayers, doesn't He?
We drove the almost three hours to get to them. We were told the grim story of what the grandmother had just found out less than a day before, as well as what she and her husband had to deal with the past several months. I tried hard not to say too much, but once we had found out everything....something just overtook me.
Do you know what it was?
That crazy thing called Godly love.
Suddenly, these kids weren't just "hubby's kids that for some reason hate me." They were children that God loved and had a purpose for. They were children that God would do anything for. They were children that, for whatever reason, were dealt a crappy blow because their mother has mental health issues and couldn't seem to adult like what I assumed was the rest of us.
It didn't matter anymore if they hated my guts. It was of no concern to me that we may not get along.
God was answering the prayer of my heart. He was blessing me with more children. They were no longer "the woman we do not speak of" 's kids, they were now OUR kids. God said, "These are now YOUR babies." I get misty-eyed each time I think of it.
Would I of imagined, in my wildest dreams, that I'd be blessed with two children that have had to process more dealing with their mom than most of us do in our entire lifetime? Did I ever envision myself in this way, once seeing them as "little heathen"(Oh, if only I had really sought God during our first two summers instead of trying to handle it all on my own! How much more understanding I'd have!) and now, as MY babies, who I love and would do anything for? Could I ever perceive that I, the person who wanted to do as little as possible with them, now has a mother bear instinct towards them, can't imagine life without them....?
God has a very, very funny way of answering prayers.
But do you know what?
I'm so glad He does.
Until Next Time,
~Mama Jenn
P.S.
I don't know what the future holds for our family, as Papa and "the woman we do not speak of" battle it out in the court system. I do, however, know Who does :) . Regardless of the outcome, I will continue to do my best with these kids, and bathe them, and this whole situation, in prayer. I don't usually ask for prayer, but considering the circumstances, it would mean a great deal to us if anyone out there reading this would send up a prayer on our behalf. Thanks, and until next time...~Mama
