I'd like to give you some long, lengthy apology and justified
I have heard from several of you, and please let it be known...I hear you. I'm sorry.
I'm also going to apologize in advance if this entire post sounds super-vague and confusing. As much as I'd like to give you my usual, unfiltered blog post...this time, I cannot because it involves people that I don't have permission to write about.
For quite some time, there has been a bit of uneasiness in my heart and my home. I had noticed it going on in several close friends lives as well. We are waiting for something good to come because life was dealing us an awful hard blow(or five hundred). We all had different circumstances and situations, but the outcome was the same...lots of frustration, lots of questioning God, lots of anger/depression/tears/anxiety over what's next.
In my own situation, I can tell you that *it* was causing a HUGE strain on my family life and marriage. I've cried more in the past few months than I have my entire life. There were MANY times I cried out to God to do SOMETHING...ANYTHING...because if He didn't give me some kind of answer to the questions on my heart, my marriage would be over. The pressure of *it* was just too much.
This alone made me cry even more. I freaking LOVE my husband, I used to LOVE our life, and I was SO CERTAIN that everything we did was for the best for our family.
For the record....no, there are no drugs, abuse, or adultery involved.
My husband kept saying this was the right thing. My brain knew it must be the right thing. People are benefitting from this. It wasn't us, but...people somewhere were benefitting from this.
But...our marriage was starting to feel like a wrestling tag team instead of a marriage under the guise of the right thing. My husband felt like he was trying to please five masters, and no one was ever happy. I was being wrongfully placed under the headship of...not my husband, and as a result, I felt bitter. We were barely talking, and it was guaranteed that there were only a few days of polite speech before the arguments came. Words were exchanged. Feelings were hurt. Apologies would eventually come, but the problem of what started the argument in the first place was always there, unanswered. Simmering in the background of our hearts, waiting for another few days before it was brought front and center once again.
How can the right thing....bear such rotten fruit in us?
There were weeks we didn't speak. I largely did this because I didn't like the words *I* was saying when the arguments came anymore. I'm pretty sure there are many verses in the Bible that says a wise person holds their tongue. Well, I won't be the first to admit if I'm wise, but I was just tired of the hurt- being hurt and hurting him.
Once we did finally speak, the tears flowed. As we continued talking about *it*, we realized we were both stubbornly doing something we perceived as right(and to most people's standards...it would be right), but it just wasn't right for us. We both admitted everything within us screamed no, to not do it, but we had been under the impression it was our flesh that wanted nothing more than the easiest route to take. We refused to be THOSE people...the people that see a wrong and do nothing to make it right.
Hypocrites.
No, we were going to do the right thing.
....even if it destroyed our marriage.
I have no Bible verse to support this off the top of my head, but sometimes....we humans, in our limited wisdom, will see a wrong and want to right it. It doesn't matter what it is, or what religious background you adhere to. There is something in all of us that just wants to always do the right thing. We don't dare to think that by doing what we perceive is right, that anything could go very, VERY wrong for us.
Christians are not immune to this. I would dare to say that not only are we not immune to it, but we are the people more prone to it.
Why?
I can't speak for every Christian in my answer, but for myself, it is largely due to the many times I have focused on verses that say DO THE RIGHT THING without really going into the DO WHAT GOD CALLS YOU TO DO bit.
But...isn't always doing the right thing also doing what God calls you to do?
Simply put- no.
God will not always do what we perceive as the right thing AND at what we perceive to be the right time.
In our situation, we were called to do the right thing...for a season. But when the season was up, we kept riding the righteous right train. We unraveled more and more reasons why we must press on because clearly, the alternative was the WRONG thing. We justified it to each other and to ourselves...without the other's input and, I'm ashamed to say, without asking God what the next step was or if this was still the right thing for us to keep doing.
Simply put, we were doing what was right...in our own eyes. And when the fruit bore from it was rotten, we looked to God questioning and doubting each other and ourselves. We wondered if we were horrible people for thinking the alternative was better when we knew(again, in our own eyes), it was not.
This for me is so, so hard to admit. Because I had people...many people in my life, who unfortunately didn't know our full struggle with *it* tell me constantly we were doing the right thing. Heaping praise and giving us many pats on the back that we were doing such a right thing(even though many of them would then whisper they could never do it..but, oh, we're practically saints for doing it because it is SO RIGHT!)!
I can't speak for my husband, but for myself, it seemed as though this praise, this encouragement from others would usually come when everything within me was screaming "STOP IT!". I took that as a sign that, even though I wasn't consulting God on it, maybe God is giving me the encouragement I need to just keep doing it.
Looking back now, I see that it was not that at all. It was the selfish part of me, the part that LOVES to hear people see MY hard work and clap. Because let's be real here- these people weren't clapping in my direction when I was doing what God had called me to do for the long haul.
"There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death."~ Proverbs 16:25
I really don't understand why God, knowing how passionate I can become, would allow something that would by all the world's standards be the right thing to do....and only allow it for a season. I kept thinking.
Oh.
Wait.
After talking...really talking, to my husband, we both came to the conclusion above at the same time. It's like God took us, in that car, and mid-sentence knocked us upside the head and said "DUH, DUM-DUMS!!"
We hadn't been seeking His will.
We hadn't been asking Him if this was His Will for the long-term.
We hadn't involved Him in the process really....at all!
And guess what?
We got what happens when humans do that....we almost killed our marriage over *it*!
We did what we perceived to be right in our own minds. We cherry-picked scripture to further solidify it MUST be right.
But...we forgot.
When dealing with individual souls. futures, plans...
EVERY TIME...
God knows better than we do! He puts things, people, events into our paths. And not everything is meant to be in our own lives, hearts, atmospheres...forever! Sometimes, even though it seems right...it's not always right for us...forever!
And that's okay!
We may not at the time always understand. It may take years of wondering, questioning why we can't keep plowing through Rightsville even though it's very, very right.
In the end, though, I have learned. My husband has learned. We have both grown.
* Depending on God really is a moment by moment thing. Not just a solid yes or a solid no forever. If we do not as a couple continually ask God what's the next step, we WILL fall flat on our face each and every single time, even if it's while in the midst of doing the right thing.
* Listen to that still, small voice. Sometimes, God says "NO" or "Not forever", and we aren't God. Trying to change His plan to fit with ours never ends well. NEVER.
*Pride comes before a fall. If you aren't following God's will, aren't asking Him what's the next step, marching to beat of your own accordion, then it doesn't matter how right whatever you're doing is...you are being prideful, and you will fall. Hard. And it will hurt. A lot.
There are many things that will, to you and everyone around you, appear to be right. You may find verses to back up or justify your stance.
However, PLEASE remember what I've said here.
By doing the right thing, even God has not called you to it....or hasn't called it to you forever...will produce bad fruit. It will result in doing the right thing that's just not right for you.
Sometimes, God calls other people do it and by insisting you are the right person for the job, you may find yourself destroying relationships or future ministries.
Don't be that person.
Accept the fact that doing the right thing may indeed look like NOT doing anything, or doing the WRONG thing.
Even the wrong thing will be turned right in His hands, and His time.
Only if we let go of what we insist must be right.
Until Next Time,
~Mama Jenn
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