June 3rd, 2018
Once again, I am asking myself, "What am I rushing for?". I set my alarm early with the intent of restarting a book on homemaking(I started it earlier this year and realized actually enforcing it wasn't going to happen so I put it down). I brewed a pot of coffee, put one load of laundry in the dryer, another in the washer, made my cup of coffee, grabbed the book and companion journal, flipped to the beginning, sat down, and...four pages and an almost empty coffee cup later, my heart racing, I looked at the time.
It was only 15 minutes later!
I also noticed last night I could take my time brushing my teeth. I quickly went through the motions as I was used to doing. For the past two years, I'm ashamed to admit, there were days I'd forget to brush at all(too busy instructing stepkids to brush/rebrush/re-rebrush/re-re-rebrush/re-re-re-for-the-love-of-God-rebrush their teeth), or that I'd wait until mine were uncomfortably dirty before finally offering my own some baking soda, fluoridated relief.
And even then, after harping and nagging two kids to do it so much, I would be too rushed/tired to give mine full attention. So, instead, I'd do what I was trying(and failing) to instruct them not to do- brush until they felt not as bad and keep going.
Last night, I spent five minutes really paying attention to the experience and evaluating the feel of each tooth. Did it feel clean- actually clean? Not just clean-ish?
(I know this sounds borderline OCD, but trust me- I'm not.)
So far, this is becoming the hardest part of my journey...forcing myself to slow down. Trying to remember rhythm not rushed routine. Savoring the little housewife/womanly things. Being in the moment instead of being in the last 5 moments while trying to get ready for the next 7 moments. I never fully realized this was even a problem until they left.
Funny how distance makes you aware of these things.
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